Reflections of a young heart and fleeting bonds

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In the midst of youthful exuberance and the whirlwind of teenage emotions, an unexpected connection blossomed. I found myself entangled with a fellow teenager, trying to navigate the mystery  called love. 
Fresh out  of the confines of high school, I felt I had found the love of my life. In hindsight, I realize was  too young to truly grasp the depth of my emotions. And so was he.

Amid the whirlwind of teenage emotions, I was excited to discover that our feelings towards each other were mutual. Our connection growing quite swiftly,  credit to the fact that we saw each other quite often.

 I couldn't help but share my newfound happiness with my colleagues, inadvertently hinting that they didn't meet my "tdh" - tall dark and handsome criteria like he did much to their chagrin. They would exchange knowing glances whenever they'd see us together and that sort of mischievousness was such a thrill for me. It hadn't occurred to me then that I was  making solid conclusions based  almost solely on physical appearance.

Upon establishing our mutual attractions for each other, everything else seemed to have followed suit perfectly.

He would make up fake errands or make trivial purchases just to cross paths with me.  He would stop by every now and then for a little chat which had us laugh over mundane preferences, like having same food preferences and just about anything . He would call me while in transit after work and then we'd text later in the night until one of us would fall asleep and we'd pick up the conversation the following day. Other days when I'd be last between us to fall asleep I'd reel in the electric charge of our physical connection. I allowed my imagination to bridge the gap between us, bringing his tall, handsome figure close to mine, and in that moment, the magic was palpable.

His touches sparked a delightful tingle in my blood, whether they were instinctively pulling me away from oncoming traffic during our walks. Each day brought boundless enthusiasm, for I knew I would get to see him, the anticipation bubbling like a fizzy elixir. Little did I know, this new found excitement marked the inception of a rollercoaster romance, steering us through an uncertain romance.

His constant presence in my life became a source of familiarity and assurance, validating my self-image and my perceived brilliance. I held him in high regard despite being only a couple of years older. I consulted him on almost every tuning. I had become so attuned to his rhythm so much so that would he have proposed to elope with him to the middle of nowhere, I most definitely would have obliged. 

I became acclimatized to his constant presence in my life and I wished for our present circumstance  to stay that way. But that was short lived  since I joined school soon after.

If the saying holds true that distance  makes  hearts grow fonder then ours was a stark contradiction. It  was a case of out of sight out of mind. Our communication became so spaced out and with each passing day , I grappled with the uncertainty of the trajectory of our previously blossoming bond  . Yet  whenever we had the chance to see each other, it was as if no time and distance had stolen anything. Our relations conveyed an unspoken connection, yet we couldn't define it. If it was intentional on his part, it  remained a mystery to me.

At School , my life was evolving and the fog of teenage infatuation gradually lifted, and in came growth and self realization. I became aware of our differing  levels of commitment and the struggle to align our expectations.  I was prepared to put a little more effort given the distance, he seemed hesitant, often coming up with a list of excuses which I had grown accustomed to. In hindsight, its likely he had found a new love but while that was plausible , I refused to let my thoughts wander in that direction.

With each passing day of disconnection, It slowly became clear that I needed to quit this ambiguous emotional dance and disentangle myself from whatever had become of it.

, I then made the decision to end our ambiguous dance of emotions. Although I should have communicated my intentions immediately, I waited in hopeful secrecy, yearning to navigate the murky waters and transform our affection into a steadfast, committed love. I let him offer me mere crumbs of attention and affection, grasping at the possibility of something more substantial.

His communication  remained sporadic, which further   prompted me to further question the authenticity of our connection .Meanwhile, it was dawning on me that emotional ambiguity meant Our relationship had just been a fleeting affair.

Eventually, he must have sensed the growing distance, although I can't recall the exact events leading to his abrupt realization. Because what he suggested was out of the blues . However I would not put it past him to have been cooking this all along.

It is then, perhaps in a bid to salvage the bond, that he professed love and proposed getting a room, suggesting that physical intimacy would cement our bond forever. This was a last ditch effort born out of desperation. I contemplated it momentarily, but my newfound clarity allowed me to see the cracks in what we had and enabled me to make a better decision.  I had hitherto become accustomed to his impermanence in my life, therefore I wasn't going to hold on to something of such ambiguity. with that, I rejected the proposition, bringing our tale of teenage and  to a poignant close.